Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 2

INGREDIENTS:  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it! 

For Christmas I was making a special skyscraper red velvet cheesecake and my son asked me why I had to sift the flour, and why I had to use cake flour.  He wanted to know if it really made a difference.  I said that of COURSE it does – otherwise I wouldn’t do those extra steps!

Just like in making a special recipe, when putting together an out of the ordinary home life, an exceptional home, you are going to have to make special efforts to put special things into it. 

What are some of the necessary ingredients for a happy home? 

The Bible gives us some clear guidelines for what ingredients make people happy:

Happy are people saved by the Lord, when the Lord is their help (Deut 33.29, Ps 146.5), happy are people God corrects (Job 5.17), happy are those that have many children (Ps 127.5), happy are those who walk in the ways of the Lord and do what they know is right (Ps 128.2, Ps 144.15, Prov 29.18, John 13.17, Rom 14.22), happy are those who are wise (Prov 3.1, 3.18), who trust the Lord (Prov 16.20), that have mercy on the poor (Prov 14.21), and happy are those that endure (James 5.11)

What are some of the things that detract from a truly happy home?     Consider the list of the top five reasons for divorce:  Financial Issues, Excessive Arguing and Poor Communication, Infidelity, Lack of Commitment, Substance Abuse.  Interestingly enough, if you are applying the things that the Bible tells us make up happiness in our lives, these things cannot become issues! 

Some of the things I knew were important to put into my family’s recipe for happiness have yielded amazing results.

*A sense of purpose. 

This is what holds it all together, like the butter does in a recipe. This is what many teenagers and even parents don’t have that leads to depression.  Here are a few ways we have developed a sense of purpose from a very young age that you can expand on and develop in your own homes and circumstances:

         Mission Statement – Every year or so we redid our mission statement of what our family’s mission was as a group.  We accepted input from the children and made a small laminated card and gave it to each family member.  We had things in our mission statement like “Helping those in need”, “Visiting the sick” and things we purposed to do as a family.

         Part of a group – at home – at church.  We did projects like puzzles showing how each piece is an important part and what happens when you lose that last piece.  We worked together at home and at church.  Even at a young age the children helped me bring meals to the sick, visit people in mourning, and visit senior residents’ homes to pass out cookies and make a difference. 

         Able to make a difference:  We purposed that people would miss them when they were not there:  their teachers, coaches, Sunday School teachers, etc., incorporating ways that they could be a blessing so they’d BE missed.

         Their role – NOT the sun!!!  We taught them to consider others.  The world did not revolve around THEM.  They were not the sun, and their parents and everyone else the planets.  They could not walk into the room talking and interrupt.  We would put names in a jar and when we had a free day it wasn’t always “Let’s see where we can take our little idols” – it was more like “Who needs us to be a blessing to them today??”   We trained them at how GOOD they felt when they helped others.  My favorite memories today aren’t the ones where I was taking my children to the circus (although those were fun times too), but when Jesse was 8 years old mowing his great-bobcia’s lawn with an electric lawn mower while the girls “edged” the lawn with scissors!!! 

         It IS more blessed to give than receive (Acts 20.35).  Know this:  children do NOT learn to give by TAKING.  You MUST train your children to know the joys of giving by GIVING.  This will take planning and dedicated energy and sacrifice that will pay huge dividends.

*Accountability and authority.

When you are making a cake, you can’t just go dump any kind of flour into it:  Using regular or bread flour will not allow the cake to be crumbly enough because of the amount of protein in the flour:  instead it will be hard as a rock.  You have to use just the right ingredients to produce the desired results.        

Too much control or misuse of authority can bring hardness too…

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (MESSAGE) Love GOD, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got! Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.  Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

         Teach your children respect for authority.  How do WE respond to authority?  How do your children see you respond when you don’t agree?  When we disagree is most important.  This starts with respect for God and His commandments.  Then it filters down to other authorities in our life.  Without realizing it many parents set themselves up for DISASTER by teaching their children that if you don’t agree with authorities you can discount or distain their input into your life.  Without realizing it, you are teaching your child that when they become teens and don’t agree with YOU they can discount YOUR input into their lives!  Teach them to RESPECT and HONOR authorities even if they don’t agree.  I taught my children that the umpire’s/referee’s opinion may not even be CORRECT, but it IS part of the game and needs to be honored and respected.

         By the rules and standards you lay down, teach them the WHY’s – so they trust that the rules and standards are for their own good.  I used to tell the children stories about Suzy Sleepless who begged her mom not to make her go to sleep then she fell asleep and fell into her soup and then off the swing!  Do little projects to teach them the importance of obedience and respect and support the WHYS of your house rules.

*Discipline 

We have to realize that every good recipe has ingredients that may not be palatable in themselves, but together make an amazing creation!  My son has learned to ask me if what is in a bowl is “good” before he licks the beaters:  he has once too often grabbed an egg white beater thinking it was whipping cream! 

For example, baking powder and soda are important leavening agents that cause batters to rise, neutralize acids to add tenderness, and cause a reaction which first produces carbon dioxide then expands causing the batter to rise and become light and airy.  Too much of either can cause the batter to be bitter tasting or to rise too rapidly and then collapse; yet too little can result in a tough cake with poor volume and crumb or soapy tasting. 

Even so, what we mix into our families may not seem good until it is all mixed together.  We need balance to produce the desired result. God created each family to have a distinct impact on His world.  You will gain specific things that your family will need at different times. 

Matthew 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

1 Corinthians 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

Teach your children DISCIPLINE – ways to be quiet (at libraries, funeral homes, etc.) – ways to wait to talk, etc. – that discipline will come into play as they become DISCIPLES!  We’d take walks and learn to not walk on others’ lawns.  We would read books and every child would have a small smarties stick, and then who talked would lose a smartie.  At the end whoever had the most smarties got the “taken” ones! 

Too many children have ZERO restrictions from birth til about age 10, then their parents literally pull their hair out trying to teach discipline and self control to an out-of-control child.  Playpens are OK!  You can have your child in a restricted area to play while you cook, even in your sight.  I’d play games and sing songs with them but they’d be in their playpens while I had to get things done.

Let your baby sit in the highchair until the family is done eating.  Too many parents don’t even sit their child down until THEY are going to eat, and then as soon as they are done, off they go before every one else if finished.  NO restriction, no discipline, just the world revolving around their schedule.  These little things will help your child make self control and discipline and consideration for others a part of their every day lives.

As they get older, never take away from them the ability to WORK towards a goal and achieve it.  Let them earn the things they want.  When younger, use stickers and when they achieve so many make a big deal about taking a trip to the dollar store and letting them pick something out!  As they get older, they will love working towards goals and you will find they will value the things they work for way more than things set before them that they didn’t even realize they wanted.

*Humility

Vanilla is used to flavor, sweeten and provide aroma when baking, like humility in our lives.

Psalms 103:1 Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

Successes failures, ups downs, victories defeats, goods bads, all can turn out to bless the Lord.  We need to teach our child that we don’t have to be “everything” to be “something” and to rejoice in their gifts AND in others’ gifts knowing that we ALL possess unique strengths and weaknesses and experience successes and failures.

With high priorities in our homes, we can’t make our children feel they need to be “perfect” to “earn” God’s love or favour.  Sometimes they can be harder on themselves than God is!  Teach redemption/repentance/change too!  Let ALL that is within you:; strengths/weaknesses; joy/sorrow:  bless His name!

What are some of the ways to come against pride in your children and in yourself?  I’d let my children know I loved them the same whether they were obedient or disobedient, but when they were disobedient it stopped me from giving them the blessings and rewards I could when they listened. 

Don’t start dressing your babies and toddlers in designer clothing so they look like they can be on the cover of a magazine and expect that they will be humble teenagers if their self image is based upon their clothes!  My rule of thumb was if it wouldn’t be cute for a teenager, don’t practice it on your little ones and train them that way!  Teach humility:  which is knowing who you ARE as well as who you AREN’T. 

*Add generous portions of Love

When sugar is used in baking its role becomes more complex as it also adds volume, tenderness, texture, color, and acts as a preservative. Hence, recipes that contain a high sugar content produce a baked good with a more tender crumb  Second,  because not as much gluten is formed, the batter will be lighter. When baked, the batter will be able to rise more and the result will be a baked good with more volume. 

Sugar also makes bakery goodies taste sweet which makes us want to eat them.  Sugar is like love in our homes.  You can’t live ONLY on it, but without it nothing is very sweet!

Make sure that LOVE PREVAILS in your home.  Know that no one goes out shopping for something they already have in the house!  Your children need to know they are accepted and loved at home so they don’t seek it elsewhere!  Same with your spouses!

Look for ways to serve one another and show your love to each other.  We had bank account booklets which showed how you invested in each other!!!  Have “Secret Santas or Angels” where you do little things for each other.  God so loved the world He GAVE – love is not easily provoked – if your children are provoked with one another they haven’t “given” enough to that person.  Have them practice jobs together or play games together!!!  Start first with harmony at home and THEN add other people.  If they can’t get along with each other, curtail other activities until they can!

*Fun! – the extras!

Cookies need SOMETHING to make them special – chocolate chips, nuts, sprinkles, something!  So our families need fun traditions that make them special:  things they can count on, look forward to and celebrate as a family.

Make as MANY special days, traditions, recipes, and hobbies as you can together.  Keep laughter alive and well in your home… 

Remember, you cannot give what you do not have: 

If I don’t have certain ingredients in my home, I have to go and GET THEM.  If you are lacking in any of these areas of parenting, ask for wisdom from people that have families you want to emulate and that have gone before you.  Gloria Gaither and Shirley Dobson have a four part series “Let’s Make a Memory” including Special Times with Special People, Making Ordinary Days Extraordinary, Hiding the Word in your Heart, and Creating Family Traditions.  You can order them here: http://store.gaither.com/kids/let-s-make-a-memory-4-pack.html.  They are a valuable tool, and there are many tools you can utilize to help you in areas you lack as you parent.

Daniel 12:3 And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.    STARS – can navigate by them

2Peter 1:3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue…

NEXT:  Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 3:  Utensils and Equipment, and the End Result!!!

Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 1

Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 1

I was privileged to share this message with the Eastpointe MOPS group, and thought some of you may be interested in it.

1.   The RECIPE:  Know what you want the end result to be.

If you were at a party and tasted something you thought was distasteful, would you ask for the recipe?  NO!  However, if you tasted something "out of this world" you would ask for the recipe, so that you could duplicate the recipe in your own home for your own loved ones...  Sadly, many families see and realize the futility and unsuccessful results of many homes, yet without realizing it they follow the same "recipe" -- almost guaranteeing the same distasteful results!  We have to begin with the end in mind, so...

What defines a "happy home" to you?  One without problems?  Not realistic!  One where every one gets their own way?  Not possible!  One where you own a lot of things?  The Bible gives us a clear foresight on that in Luke 12.15:  Take heed, and beware of covetousness:  for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth"!  And we can surely see from the lives of Hollywood and public personalities that money does not buy happiness; usually it is quite the opposite and rather a deterrence and obstruction to happiness!

Proverbs 16.25 tells us There is a way that seems right to a person, but eventually it ends in death.

Isaiah 55.9 - Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.

So exactly WHAT is GOD's plan for our homes???

Deut 11.21 - That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.

So why aren't our home lives "as the days of heaven upon the earth"?  We aren't following the recipe the Lord GAVE us to achieve that end result!  Remember:

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I [Jesus] am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.  John 10:10

Other versions put it this way:  They will have everything they need, they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of, they may have and enjoy life and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

We are going to look at the recipe we need to follow to achieve this result.

For now, list some of the things you desire your homes to be, knowing that just as you can’t just sit on the couch and get up and expect a fully baked cake to be coming out of the oven,  it will take purpose, planning, work, focus and dedicated effort to the finished product!

Next blogger:  INGREDIENTS:  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it!

Challenge:  Make a list of what defines a "happy home" to you.  Make a list of what you desire your home to be!  Then commit to do what it takes to get you there!  You may have to GET some of the ingredients you don't already have.  You may have to do a lot of work, put in some ingredients not USUAL, plan, work, focus and dedicate yourself BUT the finished product will be worth it!

Teaching the "WHYS"

When raising my children, my husband and I adopted many different traditions, strategies, and rules strategically for a certain purpose. One of my desires was to see my children want to obey, and not just obey. Knowing that the Lord institutes His statutes, precepts and judgments for our good makes it so much easier for me to trust Him and want to obey Him. That is the reason I took the time in training my children to let them know why they had certain rules and why we did things a certain way.

The downside to this is that you find yourself doing a lot of explaining; however, your children learn that your rules for the home are designed with their best interests in mind, and consider other members of the family as well.

Often children feel so privy to this information that they may feel that they are entitled to make rules themselves, change rules, or contribute their own reasoning to the rules of the home. This is something that needs to be guarded against. More importantly than children understanding the whys is their concept of authority and honor. If you fail to teach your children to honor you, it will not go well with them. (Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you in the land which the Lord your God gives you. )

Sadly, too many children don't learn obedience to authority at home, and then they have to learn it a more difficult way at school, at work, or with other authorities. Teaching your children at a very young age to obey you even when they don't agree is helping them train their will. It is so important that you begin this process at a very young age. When your children obey you when it is difficult for them and obey with the right attitude, verbalize how proud you are of them that you know it wasn't easy but they had the strength of character to obey you regardless.

As our children grew older, we instituted a process for them to give us "further information" in the form of an "appeal" process to a rule. For example, if their curfew was 11:00 p.m., they would ask "may I appeal" and then give us some information that could be considered to change the standard rule. They may say something like "we are watching a movie with my friend's family, and the movie won't be done until 11:15." At that point, my husband and I could consider the information and make an exception, or stay with the regular rules. It worked about half and half because we tried to consider the appeals while keeping the lines in place we knew would result in strong family and home values. After the first "appeal" the appeal process was done: we didn't want the process to escalate into a clash of wills and reasons!

Another thing to consider in making rules for your children as they grow older and are driving: we learned to make curfew the time you left someplace and not the time you arrived home. They would have to call us as they were getting into their cars to tell us they were leaving. That way, they didn't leave somewhere late and be speeding to get home on time.

Challenge: Tell your children the "whys" of your standards so they see the good in the rules! Institute an "appeal" process: sometimes there are exceptions to the rules! Give your children a good understanding of authority in the home, at school and in the workplace: these are lessons that will guide them through their entire lives!

Personality Adjustments

I love gardening. The many parables relating to sowing and reaping and fields and harvests speak to me in the garden. When you first plant your seedlings, you have to keep a most watchful eye on them to ensure they take root firmly and grow uprightly. In addition to keeping away harmful elements that will hinder their growth, often you need to put in a stake next to the little plant and tie the little plant onto it to be sure that the plant grows and is pointing in the right direction!~ (Many times with my children I used the example of the stake... if I saw that any of my children were growing in the "wrong direction" I would become the stake and invisibly "tie" that child to me to hang around with me long enough to know they were standing uprightly enough that they could stand on their own again!)

Early on in life, your children begin to exhibit character tendencies that will be a part of their personalities. Left unchallenged, some of these tendencies can be destructive for them, and need to be adjusted so it can become a positive part of their life instead of a negative.

There are many personalities that just need to be adjusted... strengths that could become weaknesses if you are not on guard. I have realized this in my own life. Knowing that your greatest strength can become your greatest weakness, I make sure that I look at some of the characteristics and personality traits that govern me, and make adjustments to be sure that those traits aren't expressed in their negative way. I learn to tweak my weaknesses to work with them and express them in a positive way rather than to be overcome and unduly focus on them.

For example, one of my children would tend to isolate herself when she was hurt or upset. If she had something to say, she usually didn't want to say it. She didn't even want family members watching her open presents on her birthday, much less was she able to interact with someone she didn't know! I began to make some personality adjustments: When she was hurt or upset, I would train her to "let someone in" to her pain. I did projects with her that showed her how important it was when there was a heavy load to have someone take part of it in order to lift it. I did projects to enforce the strength of a bundle of sticks that can't be broken vs. one stick that is broken easily. I gently talked to her about casting her cares on the Lord rather than carrying them, giving word pictures to show her how to put things in the hands of the Lord and leave knowing He can work all things out when we can't. We went over the importance and value of her input into others' lives, and how to step out of her comfort zone. We did experiments on going "way outside" of her box to be overly friendly to others and see their responses. We did "self conscious" vs "other people conscious" comparisons in how we express ourselves. We went to a senior residents home and cancer group to help monthly, and I made sure my children learned "conversation starters" for each time so they could interact and communicate with people they didn't know. I made time and energy to devote to her expressing some of the things she was very talented in so she had a strong sense of the things she did well and her special gifts and talents. We did many many projects, demonstrations and studies on differences in people and how important each talent and gift was to the equation -- learning that we never have to be everything, and we are always something... that we only need to contribute what we are and have, not be stifled because someone else contributes or is something else. Today my daughter is in a profession that involves intense interaction with people, and she loves it. She expresses herself in situations and has learned so many communication skills that it has become her strength. She is able to handle difficult situations as well.

Another child was an obsessive personality that could not stand imperfection. It was just part of her personality. She didn't drop any food on her bib, and she didn't like a drop of anything in her diaper and was potty trained by age 2. She complained and whined, which I saw was becoming part of her personality. I began to integrate many different project and studies and challenges to be sure that she would get outside of her box to enjoy living in an imperfect world and being joyful in imperfect circumstances. We learned differences of striving for perfection vs. perfectionism. We learned that our confidence comes from the Lord and not from our achievements, and the importance to know the difference because our achievements can't always be 100%. I taught her the value of people and stressed the importance of relationships so she didn't get lost in books and studies. We concentrated on balance in our lives vs. extremism. This daughter is in a profession where her constant quest for excellence is what makes her excel; however, her life is balanced with other important relationships and interests, ensuring that she does not have the same propensity to burn out as many others in her profession do. Her JOY is contagious, despite living in an imperfect world, and her joy spills over to any one near her!

I did this with each of my children. Not to be exhaustive, I will make a short note of a few of the other traits for examples so you can more firmly identify with this principle:

*One child became frustrated very easily. We learned to take all that energy and turn it to a constructive force. We learned to break large projects into smaller pieces. We learned to concentrate on one thing at a time. We learned the value of interruptions and how to handle them and keep on track. We did experiments to exhibit the negative forces of "blowups" by building volcanos and seeing the destruction of tornados, and concentrated on the positive forces of lasers when energy is focused. We played games to build self control in being silent. We learned and discussed how what you say impacts another person. This person is a very successful professional that uses all of his energy to multi-task in amazing ways and accomplish incredible things.

*Another child was so intense, he began telling me what he thought under no uncertain circumstances before he could even put words to the expression, and his intense baby talk was intensely humorous. Even as a toddler he would stumble over all the words he needed to get out! As he grew older, his intensity became more exhibited: he would snap his fingers and ask me "ok, what am I doing next Wednesday... what about Friday... what do I need to get to bring to the birthday party..." I began to challenge him to accept delays in his fast paced mind, to accept interruptions as he built his 60-page lego structures at age 9, to go outside his box to realize as a shortstop baseball player there was not an imaginary line where he was responsible for the ball, but he had to back up other players and they could actually grab a ball that might have been defined as "his." I taught him to train his mind about what he could think about and when, and tried to help him learn to relax his constantly-going mind. I taught him the value of balance and how everything he did didn't necessarily have to "produce" something but relationships, which require a huge time investment, are just as important. I also taught him the value of "puzzles" -- how others' perspectives balance ours, and the importance of others' input into his life. As a young man now, he makes himself incredibly accountable as he is mentored by Godly, amazing people; he values and considers others' perspectives. His greatest assets are his passion for people and his relationships, and he directs his passions with balance in his life.

*Another little toddler showed at an early age that she had no patience for anything that disrupted her schedule. This very positive organizational trait began to express itself negatively as temper tantrums when things didn't go as she had planned. Realizing the value of the positive side of her strong will, I began to train her for disruptions in our schedules in life. I helped her to realize her part in the plan, but to still realize unexpected disruptions can re-direct, postpone, or even have us abandon plans for other ones. I helped her learn to make lemons from lemonades with disruptions, and which disruptions we could control and which we couldn't and how to handle them differently. I taught her how to plan and schedule people into her planner. I taught her many techniques on handling stress, and how to avoid and know when she took on too many things. This daughter's organizational skills have enabled her to excel in her profession while balancing unbelievable things in her life. Her flexibility and understanding for unexpected delays still helps her avoid stress breakdowns when "life happens" to interrupt!

Challenge: What character traits are your child demonstrating that need a stake put alongside to help that trait demonstrate itself more uprightly and positively? What are some projects, studies or parables you can use to demonstrate the positive side of the trait? How can you train your child to express their personality strengths consistently but without making that strength become a weakness by allowing it to be unbridled?

A Tribute to my Daddy...

To My Daddy

Father’s Day, 2011

God speaks to us in parables,

So we learn of Him, it’s true.

And when God calls Himself my Father

I can understand because of you.

As a little girl, I remember being in awe:

Your power and strength was easy to see

I couldn’t wait for when you came from work to home

Because you lived for your family.

We knew that when you came through the door

That you were exactly where you wanted to be.

You kicked in - doing whatever it took

Investing 200% energy.

We all remember how much you did

Working yourself to the bone!

Inexhaustibly you fixed things, played with us and cleaned

Making sure that everything got done.

Winter picnics, ice rinks, lists and games

Everything together as a team with heart.

You taught us that work or play, whatever the season,

Our value together was far greater than apart.

We went through frustrations and learned how to deal

With different personalities and thoughts and trends.

We learned the value of family by all chipping in –

The value of relationships that will never end.

Traditions and values, with joy and through pain

You sacrificed task after task.

No matter how you felt, busy morning til night –

The hardest thing to do was relax!!!

You may not remember the countless things you you’ve done

Showing us how only an amazing Dad can love

It was minute by minute the way that you lived

That showed us love on earth AND from above.

The greatest things your life taught me about the love of a Father – both from you AND from my Heavenly Father:

1. That my Father loves and cherishes me for who I am despite who I am

and who I am not; and my Father delights in me!!!

2. That my Father wants to be involved with my life, even at times where I

am not giving him all the attention!

3. That my Father gives me all his resources of time, talents and money,

without reservation, freely and without expectation, only hoping that

I will use them for my good and to better my life and achieve my goals.

4. That my Father sacrificed to give me a family to buffet the storms and

enhance the joys of life.

5. That my Father made sure I knew I am a significant part of our family for a

particular purpose, and that my role is important and cannot be filled by

any other person.

6. That my Father is interested and proud of what I do, regardless of whether

those things changed year to year; he was a 100% participant in the things

I was enthusiastic about.

7. That my Father wants me to make decisions responsibly, because they

affect not just me but my entire family.

8. That my Father wanted me to learn from my mistakes for one reason: so

I wouldn’t repeat them and get hurt again.

9. That my Father’s plans for me were always for my good and never for

his gain.

10. That my Dad would do anything to prevent me from pain or from making

a mistake if he could, and that he felt every pain I felt.

Great Expectations, or Feeding the Monsters of Discontentment

My special memories of Christmas were simple memories: times of togetherness with my family; outdoor picnics; a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows with our "secret family recipe"; gifts my Uncle Santi would send us, usually a brush set or something K-Mart style…

I take such great pleasure in simple memories that I wanted my children to have them too. I tried to keep Christmas simple and focus on simple joys in every day life as well. Now, when my children and their friends and spouses watch videos from the past, they laugh at some of the "simple" joys we focused on.

Godliness with contentment is great gain, 1 Timothy 6.6 tells us. "Contentment" – sufficiency – it is enough. It is "great gain" because people are so discontent! Our society feeds discontentment. How do we purposefully ward against discontentment? Here are several ways I tried to incorporate the joys of contentment into my life and into the lives of my family:

*Take time to appreciate the "little things" in life – be verbal in expressing joy over a cup of coffee together, simple "regular" things – a bowl of popcorn, etc. In order words, be a "commercial" in expressing delight over little things!

*Make little fun traditions: set out a bowl of nuts and nutcrackers to sit around and share memories while you crack nuts together! Do cooking projects with loved ones; light a fire and make some popcorn and watch a cheesy Christmas or old movie.

*Give SIMPLE gifts to each other! I used to give my children their "own" scotch tape and glue. A new toothbrush was something to get excited about! (I STILL love getting a new toothbrush!) A fun stapler (ha – actually Gary just got ME a fun stapler for our last anniversary gift - hehe). A new color book and crayons. Keep little things special and you will always delight in them.

*Don't just rush out and buy the latest and greatest things and charge them. SAVE for them. Put up a chart. Open a special account. Work extra hours and put the money towards things; give up your Starbucks or a dinner out and put the money towards things. Teach your children to do the same. I can guarantee you that you will appreciate the things you work towards WAY MORE than the things you just go and buy. And you will be way more content too.

*Don't want everything you see. Colossians 3.5 tells us to put to DEATH and deprive of power worthless desire and covetousness. Remember, everything you get you need to take care of. Be content with less and you'll have less maintenance too!

*Enjoy others' possessions without wanting them! I LOVED when my children were little that I was able to go to a good friend's house and enjoy her pool. I was also glad that I didn't have to maintain a pool. I was always happy to enjoy ponds at other places. When we purchased a house that had a pond, I began to realize what FREEDOM it was to enjoy ponds other places – our pond required constant maintenance and financial investment.

*Avoid having the latest and greatest of everything. Wait a few new versions before you update your technical toys. Make sure you need what the newest versions offer before you spend money to update things.

*Deny yourself. Sacrifice. Make these things part of your daily life. Look for opportunities. Your life doesn't consist in the abundance of things you possess. Let your moderation be known to all men!

*Don't "set yourself up" that everything has to be done in such grandiose fashion. You don't have to go to New York to sit in a restaurant or go to a shopping area. If you are in a restaurant in New York, you don't even realize it anyways! Just go to a LOCAL restaurant and enjoy it like a "special vacation" without the costs of leaving the state! Make LOCAL places little "vacation" spots!

*Delight in little things: a walk together; a cup of coffee at a local coffee place; a local playhouse. Stop and watch the leaves chase each other, the snow fall, the lightning flash! Delight in creation. Visit your local library and see what's happening there. Visit your local park and take a walk there.

*Don't be "hung up" on "name brands." Force yourself to get a "copycat" and be satisfied (and use the extra money to pay off your credit card debt from having to have the "real" stuff). Learn the contentment a close friend of mine who is blind told me about: "If every one lived like every one else is blind, they wouldn't be buying all the things they think give them 'status quo' from others looking at their possessions."

*Delight in whatever season you're in: watch the birds outside your window; make snow angels and have a snowball fight; make a snowman by yourself! Support your local artists by going to a concert. Be creative; think creatively. There are so many little things for you to enjoy right in your own back yard. Stop looking for the MAGNIFICANT and train yourself to delight in simple pleasures. You will start to see so MUCH beauty and purpose and life around you!

*Make people your focus instead of THINGS. Visit a neighbor. Call someone in your family that doesn't get a lot of phone calls. Visit someone going through a difficult time.

*Play a retro game you used to play. Marbles. Dominoes. Backgammon. Play a party game. Make a puzzle. Play War or Fish or pinochole.

*Go to the craft store and get a craft to do together. Even a crazy one! Make FUN and AMAZING times doing simple things!

*Focus and talk about the blessings you can NOT see: the IMPORTANT stuff like compassion, forgiveness, redemption, restoration, reconciliation. Make these things topics of conversation.

Challenge: STOP waiting and looking for the "spectacular" and learn to delight in the little things in life that make every day living so meaningful. Learn to be content with less and focus on the things that matter more than material possessions. Make it a point to enjoy the world at your fingertips instead of longing for what is outside your reach!

The Sun and the Planets or Doesn't the World Revolve Around Me?

One of the things I am so thankful that I learned from my Mom is the importance of teaching your children at a young age that the world does not revolve around them.

I have had a lot of mothers, when their children get to the age of 14-18, come to me in despair seeking help for their teenagers because their teenagers feel that the world revolves around them. It is no surprise.

When you have children, you feel your world DOES suddenly revolve around them! You need to change their diapers and feed them, most people believe on demand. They fall down as they start to walk; you need to catch them! As they start gymboree, reading and other toddler programs, you arrange your days around those times. When school starts, you virtually have an hour-by-hour schedule to follow.

Here are some of the tips I've used in my life for teaching my children, beginning at a VERY young age, that they are not the sun, and I am not the planet, and that my world and everyone else's world does not actually revolve around them.

*Do not be afraid to integrate patterns to teach your infant routine and scheduling. At birth, you can have a certain place for your baby to sleep. As they get older, keep the routine of putting them into their bedroom at night, and as the many little naps in the living area give way to a morning and an afternoon nap, be thinking ahead of cutting the morning one eventually to make it one long afternoon nap. I did this by keeping my baby in the living area for the morning nap, and then making the afternoon nap in their bedroom. That way when the regular nighttime becomes more established, you will be able to know that the morning will involve a little nap (which you may have to cut short as they get older), then the longer one, then dinner then bedtime.

*I worked towards an 8-12-4-8-12-4 schedule as soon as I could. That way, I eventually worked towards an 8 (breakfast), 12 (lunch), 4 (dinner) as they got older, dropping the nighttime feedings.

*As your baby starts dropping those naps, have a pack n play or playpen in your living area. When you have to go get a load of laundry to fold or prepare dinner, your child can have fun safely in their protected area with special toys there. Still within sight of you and communicating with you, your baby will learn to be content there. As they get older, or another baby comes along, this will be a big help to know that if you need to tend to a baby, change a diaper, etc., your crawling or toddling baby isn't poking their fingers into an electric socket or getting into mischief…

*Make designated "reading" or "quiet" times where your children cannot interrupt you, but need to stay quiet.

*I used to put a pile of smarties in front of each child as I read them a book. If they interrupted they lost a smartie, and at the end the person with the most got the others. Teach them self control.

*I would put a quarter on the dash when we waited for someone's piano lesson to finish to see who could stay quiet the longest.

*Never look at "boundaries," "limits," "restrictions," "discipline," or "schedule" as bad words. Rather, teach your children to delight in knowing where the boundaries or limits are, what the restrictions are to encourage knowing what they are free to do, to enjoy the results of discipline – bring out areas that TAKE discipline to achieve. Explain schedules: how buses leave at a certain time, whether we took longer or not. Teach them to EXPECT schedules and discipline as they get older, and to appreciate it. Remember, my mom says children are like mustangs running wild: they don't stop running til they get to the fence! Set up your fences early!

*Know your children don't learn to give by watching YOU give to them... they learn to give by learning the JOYS of giving sacrificially themselves. Make a big deal in how wonderful they FEEL when they give to others and help them repeat the positive experiences of giving rather than taking.

*Discipline means "activity, exercise or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training." Be sure you incorporate it into daily life when your children are young; it will pay big dividends when they are older! Discipline means "a set or system of rules and regulations." Your child will soon be going to school. Start early to teach them that they need to act in accordance with schedules and consider others. Discipline also means "to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control." If you want children you can bring to public places that are in a state of order, it begins in your home.

*Have your older toddlers take a time to responsibly interact with their siblings. This will develop the skill of taking responsibility for others and caring for others.

*Teach your children that some things are "off limits" to them. Children can play with their toys and certain things. Children should not expect that nothing is off limits to them. They should know that telephones, electronics, adult possessions, and even toys that belong to other children are not "open game" for them to get into. "No, we don't touch that – your brother is building something!" "No, that is Daddy's cell phone: you can play with your TOY phone!" Train them to know this at home and you and others will be able to enjoy your children in public.

*Keep your holidays SIMPLE. A FEW needed gifts. START THIS YOUNG -- you do NOT need a bunch of teenagers expecting piles of presents. Give a FEW things... include mittens, scarves, things they NEED. Before Christmas have them go through their things and give things away to bless others. Help a needy family at Christmas and have everyone participate in donating money and going and blessing them personally so they can feel the joy. Many times we shopped with family members for other family members and split up and then came back and wrapped the gifts and sent them home with the people. We started this when my children were about 3 and 4 years old. Sometimes we bought things for other families that my children didn't have themselves!

*When your husband comes home, teach your children that your husband is #1 in the home, and not them. Take time to sit with your husband and make them not interrupt. Get a hold of the Burger King crown and keep it there and when your husband comes home, proclaim, "Daddy is the KING, and you are the prince (or princess), so I have to listen to him FIRST!" This will teach your children authority and timing and how to wait their turn and respect people with authority over them.

*When company comes, train your children not to just run into the room talking and interrupt. Teach them to walk into a room, assess, and come over and stand by you and put their hand on your should until you address them. That trains your children that when they walk into the room, everything is not just waiting for them to appear to revolve around them.

*Teach your children to make time in their day for others. Have a list of people that you need to call, send a note to or cheer up, and every day pull a name and do one of those things. Visit people in the hospital together, make time to stop in at funeral homes when someone dies and train them to say "I'm so sorry about your loss." Let them help you bring meals or flowers or groceries to people in need. Teach them compassion towards others in difficult circumstances. Let them know that we need to take responsibility to help others every day, and that we can not live unto ourselves, but must take time in our busy schedules to do things for others. That way your children will learn to revolve their lives around others in need.

*Have your children write thank you notes on Christmas cards and bring gifts to their teachers – yes even if there are 6 of them! Teach your children to be grateful for the people that are pouring into their lives, and to recognize the sacrifices they make and what they have to put up with to do so.

*Teach your children that there are some places that are not appropriate for children: it is "adult time". Whether it is a little break to run, go to the gym, have a cup of coffee with a friend, attend an event, or go to a work function with your husband, train your children early that everything doesn't include them.

*Teach your children respect for authority. If their teacher says they went outside the lines, don't disagree with their teacher and side with your child. If your child tells you their teacher or coach has something against them without a cause, do not take the side of your child against their teacher or coach. Instead, go with your child and have them learn to approach their teacher/coach and see how they can do better and how their teacher/coach sees them. Teach your child to change THEIR behavior for the teacher/coach and not expect it the other way around.

*Make sure your holiday traditions and daily habits always are more about others than serving just your own family. Adopt a nursing home once a month, go to a cancer group, adopt a child from another country, foster children.

*Read your children management books. By age 5, my children were being read "How to Win Friends and Influence People," "Seven Habits for Highly Effective People," then "Seven Habits for Highly Effective Families," and "The 8^th Habit." We read books about children with diseases. I brought the books to their level and they learned so much that way.

*Bring your children to management and leadership seminars when you can. We brought children as young as 8 years old to leadership training programs when we could get special permission.

*Never deny your child the opportunity to want something for a long time before getting it. Do not give things to your children before they even know they want it! Make them want something, save for it, wait for it, shop prices, and then get it. If you want to help them, pay PART of it but never all. Even for their first bike, sit down and let them know they have to put SOMETHING towards it. That gives them ownership. It gives them an opportunity to sacrifice things to get something. It gives them the joy of working towards something. Don't take that away from your children!

*Teach your child to give every opportunity they can. Every time an offering is taken, put SOMETHING in – even a nickel. If the Salvation Army is collecting, donate SOMETHING – even a coin. Put SOMETHING in to good causes. This teaches them to put INTO their world and not just draw FROM it.

*Teach your children the value of putting into their family's lives. We made "bank books" and showed that you need to "put something in" to each other's bank books, because when the time came that you needed to draw out, there had to be something there. Make it fun to demonstrate real life successful living and how it all works.

*Don't ever do chores alone. Put the timer on and have everyone chip in. Have everyone take responsibility for something. Work together as a team. Enlist help for anything you do if a child is around. Make it pleasant and a team effort.

*Don't hand your child luxury items -- make them earn them. They'll work towards them, appreciate them more, and take better care of them.

*When your child (eventually, believe me, this happens!) turns 14, sit them down and explain they have two summers to earn money to buy a car. Match what they earn. Make them work towards it. Some of mine had to work an extra year to get a car. Now they tell me this is another thing that taught them so much and that they are so grateful I did. I was so blessed to work for a millionaire lawyer who worked with other lawyers that all gave their children everything. My boss made his children work for everything, and I could clearly see the difference. I decided to raise my children the way my boss did. I am grateful for his example.

Think of other creative ways to encourage discipline, respect for authority, compassion, guidelines, honor for others, respect, diligence, self-control, and respect for rules. Talk to your children about how things would be if everyone ran red lights, or threw garbage, etc., and encourage them to appreciate order and structure.

This will help you train your children into young adulthood with more of a conscientiousness of others and what their purpose in life is. Too many parents realize too late that their children are bored and disinterested in life because their only purpose in life is to amuse themselves and have others do for them. That is why depression is at an all-time high with teenagers: they do not have purpose in their lives and cannot operate within the structure of society.

Challenge: Think of creative ways to integrate lessons into your children's lives that display and incorporate the benefits of rules, regulations, self-control, discipline and character. Look at effective teams and explain to your children how important it is that they learn to adhere to rules. Teach your children to respect and care for others; that it is NOT all about them! Teach your children to sacrifice, and save, and deny themselves things for the future. Make productive citizens in the future who are not of the current persuasion that they are the sun and everyone else the planets!