Ability to Handle Disabilities

I have found is that children are an excellent source of encouragement when people are down and out.  I delighted taking my children with me when I volunteered at senior residents homes and at the cancer group support center, as well as when I went to funeral homes and to visit the sick.   I taught my children from a young age to be comfortable around people who were different and hurting.  It IS scary for children to be around seniors in a home sometimes, because children need to learn that seniors often try to hold onto them, are very loud, sometimes say strange things, etc.  I taught my children how to ask them questions and how to talk to them.  A few awkward situations which resulted in learning experiences, and my children were off and running.

When someone had a handicap of some sort, whether an obvious burn, in a wheel chair, some sort of disfigurement, I taught my children to be comfortable talking to them about it and trying to relate to people with disabilities.  We read a story together about a little girl that had cerebral palsy, to teach them empathy for children and others with disabilities.  We often went out of our way to help someone or talk to someone who was obviously disabled.

I went to a shoe store recently, and a child came in with an obvious handicap. He was a handful for his mom, who patiently tried to keep him calm while they waited for a sales person. He would should out and was physically overstimulated so she had to try to hold him tightly to settle him down. I was with my granddaughter and my daughter. Rather than ignore them, I smiled at the woman and said, "You are doing such a great job. You are an inspiration to me. Sometimes I think it's difficult to go shoe shopping with a child, and look at you. You are really a hero!" She broke down crying, telling me that so many people stop and stare at her and don't understand. She thanked me. It took a few minutes to encourage a beautiful mom dealing with incredible obstacles. I was blessed beyond measure when she told me that I couldn't possibly realize what my comments had done for her. 

A common thing I've heard from volunteering at the cancer group and from those with disabilities is that people avoid them or are not comfortable talking to them or looking at them.  I know that I have put a dent in that problem by teaching and training my children to be able to relate and talk to those with handicaps.

Challenge:  Teach your children why other people may look or act different, and whenever possible teach them how to relate to the handicapped.  Encourage them to talk to children in wheelchairs or with disabilities. Read them a story about someone who is handicapped.  If you have a chance, ask someone about their experience who is handicapped, showing true interest and asking questions that show how you honor them for all the extra effort they have to expend just to do normal activities.   

“Finally, all [of you] should be of one and the same mind (united in spirit), sympathizing [with one another], loving [each other] as brethren [of one household], compassionate and courteous (tenderhearted and humble).”  (1Pet 3:8 AMP)

What is Important to Remember When Raising Children at Christmastime…

In a brief phone conversation the other day, one of my siblings said to me:  We’ve been talking about

the best things about Christmas and not ONCE have you mentioned what you GOT for Christmas!

Now, even as when my children were little and growing up, I still love to focus on the GIVING at Christmas and not the GETTING.  I am so happy to see some of my children repeating my tradition of keeping Christmas as simple as possible and focusing on family and giving instead.

Some of the ways I did this and still do this:

Make a way to visit lonely people over the holidays to make them feel special.

Deny yourself to give to others.  Instead of giving more gifts to people who don’t need them, adopt a family in need and focus on giving to them.  One of my favorite things to do at Christmas is help a family through tough times by getting together with them and giving them gifts to give each other.  Involve the youngest family members in this:  this year Tessa (only a few weeks old!) and Alivia (8 months old) were involved!

Let children hand out gifts and not just grab ONTO them!  They need to learn the JOY of giving and will never learn that joy by taking taking taking.

Keep things simple!  Too much Christmas can ruin a child and turn him/her into a MONSTER!  Knowing my family was large and that my children would get way too many gifts without my help, I tried to keep my gifts very simple and geared towards “experiences”:  I would give a ticket to the Ice Capades in March for example, which allowed us to get together in March but didn’t add to the commercial over-indulgences of Christmas. 

Give a magazine subscription to young children that will give throughout the year instead of having more gifts to open.  Give them a ticket to a show.  Make gingerbread houses.  DO something instead of stacking presents!

If your child has gotten way too many things from others, hide them away and bring a few out every month to avoid getting your child used to having way too much stuff.

The WORST thing you can do with little children is making them think that Christmas is supposed to be STACKS of presents for them.  Good luck when they’re teens and their list is a little different!  Try to keep the gift list to three gifts:  as the wise men did! 

If you truly believe it when the Bible says in Acts 20.35 that it is more blessed to give than receive, then make SURE that you are giving WAY MORE than receiving at Christmas time.  Even MORE importantly, be sure your CHILDREN are giving WAY MORE than receiving at Christmas time! 

Children are learning from how your focus is!  Raise and train children who will be contributors and not takers but teaching them early on!  Unfortunately too many parents have the wrong focus and then pass it on to the next generation…  I love to remember that the best gifts Jesus gives His children are things that we can give AWAY:  all the fruit of the Spirit and gifts of the Spirit are things we GIVE!  He knows what makes His children more beautiful!

Take time to give extra toys away to children in need.  Go through your child’s things with him/her and wrap a big bag of extra toys to bring to a shelter, hospital or group in need.  Let your child be part of sharing their overabundance of things.

Challenge:  Avoid materialism in your children starting at a very young age by focusing on things that are more important at Christmas time and throughout the year.   Fight back by focusing on people and events instead of THINGS!  

Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 3

Utensils and equipment: The Word of God (DAILY & TOGETHER) and prayer

 When taking a French cooking lesson with my girls, we were amazed at what using the right equipment can result in.  It's all in the "tools" of the trade!  Well, in the same way, if the Lord doesn't build our house, we labour in vain.  We need to know that the Word of God has all we need for this life and godliness.  The Word is a light and lamp (Prov 6.23); it cleanses us, keeps us from sin, gives us hope and comfort, quickens us in the way of righteousness, gives us understanding (Ps 119); it makes us wise unto salvation and is profitable (2 Tim 3.15-16); it stands forever (Is 40.8); will judge us (John 12.28); is the Word of truth (Eph 1.16; John 17.16-7; 1 Pet 1.23; 2 Cor 6.7; Col 1.15; 2 Tim 2.15; James 1.18); the Word of life (1 John 1.1); the Word of power upholding all things (Heb 1.3); the law of liberty (James 1.25); is not bound (2 Tim 2.9); it is committed to us as the Word of reconciliation (2 Cor 5.19); it is our offensive weapon against the enemy (Eph 6.17); it endures forever (1 Pet 1.25; Matt 24.35; Mark 13.31 and Luke 21.33); it works effectually in you (1 Thess 2.13); it is our healing and deliverance (Ps 107.20; Matt 8.16); the Word made flesh is Jesus Himself (John 1.14), and it will never return void (Is 45.23; 55.11);  

Psalms 127:1 - Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it:

Job 23:12 …I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary food.

Pour out into other vessels in order to “make something”! 

Your batter does NO GOOD sitting in the bowl! -- it needs to be poured out into other vessels.  Train your children continually to "pour out" into the lives of others.  Look for opportunities continually -- remember that all you have is what you give away.  Teach to give out of your lack and not just from your abundance.  Teach your children to be COMFORTABLE with being UNCOMFORTABLE – must cost you something to give!!!!  (2 Sam 24.24)  Teach them to communicate and encourage the handicapped and the hurting.  Even just a sentence can help them learn to encourage people.

Heat up the oven!

Just as when you cook you need to heat things up, have EXCITEMENT & FUN permeate your home.

Colossians 3:16 Let the Word of Christ—the Message - have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God!

Make sure your home is FILLED TO THE BRIM with fun, excitement, zest for life and laughter.  It should be because when you love what is right and shun what is evil, you WILL have so much JOY:  (Hebrews 1.9) - You have loved what is right and hated what is wrong.  That is why God, your God, anointed you, rather than your companions, with the oil of joy.  

End result:  life of purpose

Let your family, your home, and each person in it reflect and live a life of purpose.  As you see all the little tiny things you did take root and grow and bear fruit, you can know that you were not deceived, and you truly will reap all you have sown.  

Galatians 6.7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked:  for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Matthew 5:16 Let your light so shine before men that they may see your amoral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble, and good deeds and recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father Who is in heaven.

2 Corinthians 9:8:  And God is able to make all grace (every favor and earthly blessing) come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need, be self sufficient (possession enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation).

Philippians 1:9-10:  And this I pray that your love may abound yet more and more and extend to its fullest development in knowledge and all keen insight [that your love may display itself in greater depth of acquaintance and mere comprehensive discernment], So that you may surely learn to sense what is of real value [recognizing the highest and the best and distinguishing the moral differences], and that you may be untainted and pure and unerring and blameless [so that with hearts sincere and certain and unsullied, you may approach the day of Christ [not stumbling nor causing others to stumble]. 

Eph 3.20:  Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams], To HIM be glory…!

Isaiah 8:18 Behold, I and the children whom the LORD hath given me are for signs and for wonders in Israel from the LORD of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion.

Isaiah 59:19:  When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall LIFT UP a standard against him!  62:10b …gather out the stones; lift UP a standard for the people!

Children Learn What They Live (1969)

BY DOROTHY LAW NOLTE

If a child lives with criticism,


He learns to condemn.


If a child lives with hostility,


He learns to fight.


If a child lives with ridicule,


He learns to be shy.


If a child lives with shame, 


He learns to feel guilty.


If a child lives with tolerance, 


He learns to be patient.


If a child lives with encouragement, 


He learns confidence.


If a child lives with praise, 


He learns to appreciate.


If a child lives with fairness, 


He learns justice.


If a child lives with security,


He learns to have faith.


If a child lives with approval, 


He learns to like himself.


If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, 


He learns to find love in the world.

Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 2

INGREDIENTS:  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it! 

For Christmas I was making a special skyscraper red velvet cheesecake and my son asked me why I had to sift the flour, and why I had to use cake flour.  He wanted to know if it really made a difference.  I said that of COURSE it does – otherwise I wouldn’t do those extra steps!

Just like in making a special recipe, when putting together an out of the ordinary home life, an exceptional home, you are going to have to make special efforts to put special things into it. 

What are some of the necessary ingredients for a happy home? 

The Bible gives us some clear guidelines for what ingredients make people happy:

Happy are people saved by the Lord, when the Lord is their help (Deut 33.29, Ps 146.5), happy are people God corrects (Job 5.17), happy are those that have many children (Ps 127.5), happy are those who walk in the ways of the Lord and do what they know is right (Ps 128.2, Ps 144.15, Prov 29.18, John 13.17, Rom 14.22), happy are those who are wise (Prov 3.1, 3.18), who trust the Lord (Prov 16.20), that have mercy on the poor (Prov 14.21), and happy are those that endure (James 5.11)

What are some of the things that detract from a truly happy home?     Consider the list of the top five reasons for divorce:  Financial Issues, Excessive Arguing and Poor Communication, Infidelity, Lack of Commitment, Substance Abuse.  Interestingly enough, if you are applying the things that the Bible tells us make up happiness in our lives, these things cannot become issues! 

Some of the things I knew were important to put into my family’s recipe for happiness have yielded amazing results.

*A sense of purpose. 

This is what holds it all together, like the butter does in a recipe. This is what many teenagers and even parents don’t have that leads to depression.  Here are a few ways we have developed a sense of purpose from a very young age that you can expand on and develop in your own homes and circumstances:

         Mission Statement – Every year or so we redid our mission statement of what our family’s mission was as a group.  We accepted input from the children and made a small laminated card and gave it to each family member.  We had things in our mission statement like “Helping those in need”, “Visiting the sick” and things we purposed to do as a family.

         Part of a group – at home – at church.  We did projects like puzzles showing how each piece is an important part and what happens when you lose that last piece.  We worked together at home and at church.  Even at a young age the children helped me bring meals to the sick, visit people in mourning, and visit senior residents’ homes to pass out cookies and make a difference. 

         Able to make a difference:  We purposed that people would miss them when they were not there:  their teachers, coaches, Sunday School teachers, etc., incorporating ways that they could be a blessing so they’d BE missed.

         Their role – NOT the sun!!!  We taught them to consider others.  The world did not revolve around THEM.  They were not the sun, and their parents and everyone else the planets.  They could not walk into the room talking and interrupt.  We would put names in a jar and when we had a free day it wasn’t always “Let’s see where we can take our little idols” – it was more like “Who needs us to be a blessing to them today??”   We trained them at how GOOD they felt when they helped others.  My favorite memories today aren’t the ones where I was taking my children to the circus (although those were fun times too), but when Jesse was 8 years old mowing his great-bobcia’s lawn with an electric lawn mower while the girls “edged” the lawn with scissors!!! 

         It IS more blessed to give than receive (Acts 20.35).  Know this:  children do NOT learn to give by TAKING.  You MUST train your children to know the joys of giving by GIVING.  This will take planning and dedicated energy and sacrifice that will pay huge dividends.

*Accountability and authority.

When you are making a cake, you can’t just go dump any kind of flour into it:  Using regular or bread flour will not allow the cake to be crumbly enough because of the amount of protein in the flour:  instead it will be hard as a rock.  You have to use just the right ingredients to produce the desired results.        

Too much control or misuse of authority can bring hardness too…

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (MESSAGE) Love GOD, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got! Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.  Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

         Teach your children respect for authority.  How do WE respond to authority?  How do your children see you respond when you don’t agree?  When we disagree is most important.  This starts with respect for God and His commandments.  Then it filters down to other authorities in our life.  Without realizing it many parents set themselves up for DISASTER by teaching their children that if you don’t agree with authorities you can discount or distain their input into your life.  Without realizing it, you are teaching your child that when they become teens and don’t agree with YOU they can discount YOUR input into their lives!  Teach them to RESPECT and HONOR authorities even if they don’t agree.  I taught my children that the umpire’s/referee’s opinion may not even be CORRECT, but it IS part of the game and needs to be honored and respected.

         By the rules and standards you lay down, teach them the WHY’s – so they trust that the rules and standards are for their own good.  I used to tell the children stories about Suzy Sleepless who begged her mom not to make her go to sleep then she fell asleep and fell into her soup and then off the swing!  Do little projects to teach them the importance of obedience and respect and support the WHYS of your house rules.

*Discipline 

We have to realize that every good recipe has ingredients that may not be palatable in themselves, but together make an amazing creation!  My son has learned to ask me if what is in a bowl is “good” before he licks the beaters:  he has once too often grabbed an egg white beater thinking it was whipping cream! 

For example, baking powder and soda are important leavening agents that cause batters to rise, neutralize acids to add tenderness, and cause a reaction which first produces carbon dioxide then expands causing the batter to rise and become light and airy.  Too much of either can cause the batter to be bitter tasting or to rise too rapidly and then collapse; yet too little can result in a tough cake with poor volume and crumb or soapy tasting. 

Even so, what we mix into our families may not seem good until it is all mixed together.  We need balance to produce the desired result. God created each family to have a distinct impact on His world.  You will gain specific things that your family will need at different times. 

Matthew 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

1 Corinthians 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

Teach your children DISCIPLINE – ways to be quiet (at libraries, funeral homes, etc.) – ways to wait to talk, etc. – that discipline will come into play as they become DISCIPLES!  We’d take walks and learn to not walk on others’ lawns.  We would read books and every child would have a small smarties stick, and then who talked would lose a smartie.  At the end whoever had the most smarties got the “taken” ones! 

Too many children have ZERO restrictions from birth til about age 10, then their parents literally pull their hair out trying to teach discipline and self control to an out-of-control child.  Playpens are OK!  You can have your child in a restricted area to play while you cook, even in your sight.  I’d play games and sing songs with them but they’d be in their playpens while I had to get things done.

Let your baby sit in the highchair until the family is done eating.  Too many parents don’t even sit their child down until THEY are going to eat, and then as soon as they are done, off they go before every one else if finished.  NO restriction, no discipline, just the world revolving around their schedule.  These little things will help your child make self control and discipline and consideration for others a part of their every day lives.

As they get older, never take away from them the ability to WORK towards a goal and achieve it.  Let them earn the things they want.  When younger, use stickers and when they achieve so many make a big deal about taking a trip to the dollar store and letting them pick something out!  As they get older, they will love working towards goals and you will find they will value the things they work for way more than things set before them that they didn’t even realize they wanted.

*Humility

Vanilla is used to flavor, sweeten and provide aroma when baking, like humility in our lives.

Psalms 103:1 Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

Successes failures, ups downs, victories defeats, goods bads, all can turn out to bless the Lord.  We need to teach our child that we don’t have to be “everything” to be “something” and to rejoice in their gifts AND in others’ gifts knowing that we ALL possess unique strengths and weaknesses and experience successes and failures.

With high priorities in our homes, we can’t make our children feel they need to be “perfect” to “earn” God’s love or favour.  Sometimes they can be harder on themselves than God is!  Teach redemption/repentance/change too!  Let ALL that is within you:; strengths/weaknesses; joy/sorrow:  bless His name!

What are some of the ways to come against pride in your children and in yourself?  I’d let my children know I loved them the same whether they were obedient or disobedient, but when they were disobedient it stopped me from giving them the blessings and rewards I could when they listened. 

Don’t start dressing your babies and toddlers in designer clothing so they look like they can be on the cover of a magazine and expect that they will be humble teenagers if their self image is based upon their clothes!  My rule of thumb was if it wouldn’t be cute for a teenager, don’t practice it on your little ones and train them that way!  Teach humility:  which is knowing who you ARE as well as who you AREN’T. 

*Add generous portions of Love

When sugar is used in baking its role becomes more complex as it also adds volume, tenderness, texture, color, and acts as a preservative. Hence, recipes that contain a high sugar content produce a baked good with a more tender crumb  Second,  because not as much gluten is formed, the batter will be lighter. When baked, the batter will be able to rise more and the result will be a baked good with more volume. 

Sugar also makes bakery goodies taste sweet which makes us want to eat them.  Sugar is like love in our homes.  You can’t live ONLY on it, but without it nothing is very sweet!

Make sure that LOVE PREVAILS in your home.  Know that no one goes out shopping for something they already have in the house!  Your children need to know they are accepted and loved at home so they don’t seek it elsewhere!  Same with your spouses!

Look for ways to serve one another and show your love to each other.  We had bank account booklets which showed how you invested in each other!!!  Have “Secret Santas or Angels” where you do little things for each other.  God so loved the world He GAVE – love is not easily provoked – if your children are provoked with one another they haven’t “given” enough to that person.  Have them practice jobs together or play games together!!!  Start first with harmony at home and THEN add other people.  If they can’t get along with each other, curtail other activities until they can!

*Fun! – the extras!

Cookies need SOMETHING to make them special – chocolate chips, nuts, sprinkles, something!  So our families need fun traditions that make them special:  things they can count on, look forward to and celebrate as a family.

Make as MANY special days, traditions, recipes, and hobbies as you can together.  Keep laughter alive and well in your home… 

Remember, you cannot give what you do not have: 

If I don’t have certain ingredients in my home, I have to go and GET THEM.  If you are lacking in any of these areas of parenting, ask for wisdom from people that have families you want to emulate and that have gone before you.  Gloria Gaither and Shirley Dobson have a four part series “Let’s Make a Memory” including Special Times with Special People, Making Ordinary Days Extraordinary, Hiding the Word in your Heart, and Creating Family Traditions.  You can order them here: http://store.gaither.com/kids/let-s-make-a-memory-4-pack.html.  They are a valuable tool, and there are many tools you can utilize to help you in areas you lack as you parent.

Daniel 12:3 And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.    STARS – can navigate by them

2Peter 1:3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue…

NEXT:  Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 3:  Utensils and Equipment, and the End Result!!!

Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 1

Recipe for a Happy Home, Part 1

I was privileged to share this message with the Eastpointe MOPS group, and thought some of you may be interested in it.

1.   The RECIPE:  Know what you want the end result to be.

If you were at a party and tasted something you thought was distasteful, would you ask for the recipe?  NO!  However, if you tasted something "out of this world" you would ask for the recipe, so that you could duplicate the recipe in your own home for your own loved ones...  Sadly, many families see and realize the futility and unsuccessful results of many homes, yet without realizing it they follow the same "recipe" -- almost guaranteeing the same distasteful results!  We have to begin with the end in mind, so...

What defines a "happy home" to you?  One without problems?  Not realistic!  One where every one gets their own way?  Not possible!  One where you own a lot of things?  The Bible gives us a clear foresight on that in Luke 12.15:  Take heed, and beware of covetousness:  for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth"!  And we can surely see from the lives of Hollywood and public personalities that money does not buy happiness; usually it is quite the opposite and rather a deterrence and obstruction to happiness!

Proverbs 16.25 tells us There is a way that seems right to a person, but eventually it ends in death.

Isaiah 55.9 - Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.

So exactly WHAT is GOD's plan for our homes???

Deut 11.21 - That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.

So why aren't our home lives "as the days of heaven upon the earth"?  We aren't following the recipe the Lord GAVE us to achieve that end result!  Remember:

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I [Jesus] am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.  John 10:10

Other versions put it this way:  They will have everything they need, they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of, they may have and enjoy life and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

We are going to look at the recipe we need to follow to achieve this result.

For now, list some of the things you desire your homes to be, knowing that just as you can’t just sit on the couch and get up and expect a fully baked cake to be coming out of the oven,  it will take purpose, planning, work, focus and dedicated effort to the finished product!

Next blogger:  INGREDIENTS:  What you get out of it depends on what you put into it!

Challenge:  Make a list of what defines a "happy home" to you.  Make a list of what you desire your home to be!  Then commit to do what it takes to get you there!  You may have to GET some of the ingredients you don't already have.  You may have to do a lot of work, put in some ingredients not USUAL, plan, work, focus and dedicate yourself BUT the finished product will be worth it!

Teaching the "WHYS"

When raising my children, my husband and I adopted many different traditions, strategies, and rules strategically for a certain purpose. One of my desires was to see my children want to obey, and not just obey. Knowing that the Lord institutes His statutes, precepts and judgments for our good makes it so much easier for me to trust Him and want to obey Him. That is the reason I took the time in training my children to let them know why they had certain rules and why we did things a certain way.

The downside to this is that you find yourself doing a lot of explaining; however, your children learn that your rules for the home are designed with their best interests in mind, and consider other members of the family as well.

Often children feel so privy to this information that they may feel that they are entitled to make rules themselves, change rules, or contribute their own reasoning to the rules of the home. This is something that needs to be guarded against. More importantly than children understanding the whys is their concept of authority and honor. If you fail to teach your children to honor you, it will not go well with them. (Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you in the land which the Lord your God gives you. )

Sadly, too many children don't learn obedience to authority at home, and then they have to learn it a more difficult way at school, at work, or with other authorities. Teaching your children at a very young age to obey you even when they don't agree is helping them train their will. It is so important that you begin this process at a very young age. When your children obey you when it is difficult for them and obey with the right attitude, verbalize how proud you are of them that you know it wasn't easy but they had the strength of character to obey you regardless.

As our children grew older, we instituted a process for them to give us "further information" in the form of an "appeal" process to a rule. For example, if their curfew was 11:00 p.m., they would ask "may I appeal" and then give us some information that could be considered to change the standard rule. They may say something like "we are watching a movie with my friend's family, and the movie won't be done until 11:15." At that point, my husband and I could consider the information and make an exception, or stay with the regular rules. It worked about half and half because we tried to consider the appeals while keeping the lines in place we knew would result in strong family and home values. After the first "appeal" the appeal process was done: we didn't want the process to escalate into a clash of wills and reasons!

Another thing to consider in making rules for your children as they grow older and are driving: we learned to make curfew the time you left someplace and not the time you arrived home. They would have to call us as they were getting into their cars to tell us they were leaving. That way, they didn't leave somewhere late and be speeding to get home on time.

Challenge: Tell your children the "whys" of your standards so they see the good in the rules! Institute an "appeal" process: sometimes there are exceptions to the rules! Give your children a good understanding of authority in the home, at school and in the workplace: these are lessons that will guide them through their entire lives!

Personality Adjustments

I love gardening. The many parables relating to sowing and reaping and fields and harvests speak to me in the garden. When you first plant your seedlings, you have to keep a most watchful eye on them to ensure they take root firmly and grow uprightly. In addition to keeping away harmful elements that will hinder their growth, often you need to put in a stake next to the little plant and tie the little plant onto it to be sure that the plant grows and is pointing in the right direction!~ (Many times with my children I used the example of the stake... if I saw that any of my children were growing in the "wrong direction" I would become the stake and invisibly "tie" that child to me to hang around with me long enough to know they were standing uprightly enough that they could stand on their own again!)

Early on in life, your children begin to exhibit character tendencies that will be a part of their personalities. Left unchallenged, some of these tendencies can be destructive for them, and need to be adjusted so it can become a positive part of their life instead of a negative.

There are many personalities that just need to be adjusted... strengths that could become weaknesses if you are not on guard. I have realized this in my own life. Knowing that your greatest strength can become your greatest weakness, I make sure that I look at some of the characteristics and personality traits that govern me, and make adjustments to be sure that those traits aren't expressed in their negative way. I learn to tweak my weaknesses to work with them and express them in a positive way rather than to be overcome and unduly focus on them.

For example, one of my children would tend to isolate herself when she was hurt or upset. If she had something to say, she usually didn't want to say it. She didn't even want family members watching her open presents on her birthday, much less was she able to interact with someone she didn't know! I began to make some personality adjustments: When she was hurt or upset, I would train her to "let someone in" to her pain. I did projects with her that showed her how important it was when there was a heavy load to have someone take part of it in order to lift it. I did projects to enforce the strength of a bundle of sticks that can't be broken vs. one stick that is broken easily. I gently talked to her about casting her cares on the Lord rather than carrying them, giving word pictures to show her how to put things in the hands of the Lord and leave knowing He can work all things out when we can't. We went over the importance and value of her input into others' lives, and how to step out of her comfort zone. We did experiments on going "way outside" of her box to be overly friendly to others and see their responses. We did "self conscious" vs "other people conscious" comparisons in how we express ourselves. We went to a senior residents home and cancer group to help monthly, and I made sure my children learned "conversation starters" for each time so they could interact and communicate with people they didn't know. I made time and energy to devote to her expressing some of the things she was very talented in so she had a strong sense of the things she did well and her special gifts and talents. We did many many projects, demonstrations and studies on differences in people and how important each talent and gift was to the equation -- learning that we never have to be everything, and we are always something... that we only need to contribute what we are and have, not be stifled because someone else contributes or is something else. Today my daughter is in a profession that involves intense interaction with people, and she loves it. She expresses herself in situations and has learned so many communication skills that it has become her strength. She is able to handle difficult situations as well.

Another child was an obsessive personality that could not stand imperfection. It was just part of her personality. She didn't drop any food on her bib, and she didn't like a drop of anything in her diaper and was potty trained by age 2. She complained and whined, which I saw was becoming part of her personality. I began to integrate many different project and studies and challenges to be sure that she would get outside of her box to enjoy living in an imperfect world and being joyful in imperfect circumstances. We learned differences of striving for perfection vs. perfectionism. We learned that our confidence comes from the Lord and not from our achievements, and the importance to know the difference because our achievements can't always be 100%. I taught her the value of people and stressed the importance of relationships so she didn't get lost in books and studies. We concentrated on balance in our lives vs. extremism. This daughter is in a profession where her constant quest for excellence is what makes her excel; however, her life is balanced with other important relationships and interests, ensuring that she does not have the same propensity to burn out as many others in her profession do. Her JOY is contagious, despite living in an imperfect world, and her joy spills over to any one near her!

I did this with each of my children. Not to be exhaustive, I will make a short note of a few of the other traits for examples so you can more firmly identify with this principle:

*One child became frustrated very easily. We learned to take all that energy and turn it to a constructive force. We learned to break large projects into smaller pieces. We learned to concentrate on one thing at a time. We learned the value of interruptions and how to handle them and keep on track. We did experiments to exhibit the negative forces of "blowups" by building volcanos and seeing the destruction of tornados, and concentrated on the positive forces of lasers when energy is focused. We played games to build self control in being silent. We learned and discussed how what you say impacts another person. This person is a very successful professional that uses all of his energy to multi-task in amazing ways and accomplish incredible things.

*Another child was so intense, he began telling me what he thought under no uncertain circumstances before he could even put words to the expression, and his intense baby talk was intensely humorous. Even as a toddler he would stumble over all the words he needed to get out! As he grew older, his intensity became more exhibited: he would snap his fingers and ask me "ok, what am I doing next Wednesday... what about Friday... what do I need to get to bring to the birthday party..." I began to challenge him to accept delays in his fast paced mind, to accept interruptions as he built his 60-page lego structures at age 9, to go outside his box to realize as a shortstop baseball player there was not an imaginary line where he was responsible for the ball, but he had to back up other players and they could actually grab a ball that might have been defined as "his." I taught him to train his mind about what he could think about and when, and tried to help him learn to relax his constantly-going mind. I taught him the value of balance and how everything he did didn't necessarily have to "produce" something but relationships, which require a huge time investment, are just as important. I also taught him the value of "puzzles" -- how others' perspectives balance ours, and the importance of others' input into his life. As a young man now, he makes himself incredibly accountable as he is mentored by Godly, amazing people; he values and considers others' perspectives. His greatest assets are his passion for people and his relationships, and he directs his passions with balance in his life.

*Another little toddler showed at an early age that she had no patience for anything that disrupted her schedule. This very positive organizational trait began to express itself negatively as temper tantrums when things didn't go as she had planned. Realizing the value of the positive side of her strong will, I began to train her for disruptions in our schedules in life. I helped her to realize her part in the plan, but to still realize unexpected disruptions can re-direct, postpone, or even have us abandon plans for other ones. I helped her learn to make lemons from lemonades with disruptions, and which disruptions we could control and which we couldn't and how to handle them differently. I taught her how to plan and schedule people into her planner. I taught her many techniques on handling stress, and how to avoid and know when she took on too many things. This daughter's organizational skills have enabled her to excel in her profession while balancing unbelievable things in her life. Her flexibility and understanding for unexpected delays still helps her avoid stress breakdowns when "life happens" to interrupt!

Challenge: What character traits are your child demonstrating that need a stake put alongside to help that trait demonstrate itself more uprightly and positively? What are some projects, studies or parables you can use to demonstrate the positive side of the trait? How can you train your child to express their personality strengths consistently but without making that strength become a weakness by allowing it to be unbridled?