Monday, March 20, 2017

When Sharing ISN'T Caring...

(This is an excerpt from a book I am writing on raising children. It is from the chapter, "It Doesn't Always Have to be About ME!")

While in Florida recently, it was so fun to observe the young moms in the pool with their little children and their children’s belongings. Every day a child would take something that wasn’t theirs, the child whose belongings were taken would freak out, and the other child would often gloat in their possessing something in such high demand. The moms would then jump in: the mom of the “borrower” trying to wrest the toy from her child to return it, and the other mom saying, “no my child has ENOUGH toys: he/she can SHARE!” This happened almost every day with different children and different toys! Moms want to raise kids that share, a noble and needed character quality to have.

There’s a new saying around town to support these efforts: Sharing is CARING! Well, my experience has shown me that sharing is NOT ALWAYS caring. Here are some things to keep in mind when teaching your children to share:

  • Every person, whether adult or child, needs a space to call their own.           
            As your children get older, they begin to work with legos, craft things, games and puzzles that are age appropriate for them, but all the younger ones can do with those things is destroy!

            You will find that if you give each child their “space” and teach them to respect each others “space,” they will not be fighting as much to maintain something (their space) they already have. You will also be better equipping your children for the real world where they can’t just reach over to their neighbor’s desk and use their crayons or markers, or jump into the next guy’s cubicle and use their computer or office equipment. I don’t share everything I own, so why would I expect my children to? 

            Entitlement starts at age 2. Your 2 year old is not entitled to what your 7 year old owns, nor the other way around. This is more important training than sharing.

  • Personal possessions should be personal possessions. 
            When my children wanted to use my computer, I was quick to inform that that PC stood for PERSONAL computer! If I own something, I own it, and it should be up to me whether or not I want to share it! I would tell my children, This ISN’T a socialist house and EVERY THING doesn’t belong to EVERY ONE in it! We are not doing our children any favors to think they are entitled to what other’s have, even if it is their sibling, cousin or friend.

  • Not everything has to be shared with every one. 
            When I have a group meeting at my home, it is ok to put some of my child’s favorite things away so that all the children aren’t playing with things that can be easily ruined.

            There is no way I would have a group over to use my sewing machines! I take such good care of them, and they are so easily broken, and they are very important to me. I waited a long time to get the sewing machines I have, and I don’t intend on having things go wrong with them unless I am the one responsible.

  • When I realize I am going to share things with others, I will get enough to pass around.
            If you know your child has a lot of cousins or friends or family, when you anticipate them sharing something, prepare for it. Tell your son, My friends are coming over today and they are bringing their children. I got extra crayons and color books so we can share, and I got this fun puzzle to put together. I’ll put them here with our sharing toys.

            Now your seven year old doesn’t have to watch your friends 2-year olds break and eat their crayons and scribble all over their favorite coloring book. He doesn’t have to worry about his favorite puzzle if someone starts to eat a piece or throw them in the air because they don’t know how to make puzzles.

            When my friends come over, I may not offer my secret stash of Godiva praline truffles, but I will get special chocolates to put out for them.

  • Sharing is defined as giving a portion; don’t expect your children to give it all.           
            When my children had extra things, I taught them to give to those in need. I didn’t force them to give their possessions to their siblings in GREED, but to share their extras with those in NEED.

  • Sometimes parents can teach MORE to their children by teaching siblings to respect their other siblings’ personal belongings and space than by teaching them they have a right to them. 
            I taught my children that their home was their safe place. No one was entitled to the other’s space or personal possessions. If Daniel started building a 200-page K’Nex merry go round or Jesse was building a 5,000 piece Lego city, they could leave their things there and I trained my other children not to go near those things because they didn’t belong to them.

            When the girls had their craft room, the boys had no entry. When each child received presents, prizes, or gifts that the others didn’t get, I taught the others to be happy for that child and not to expect ownership of any of it. I feel I raised some of the most extravagant givers I know.

These concepts don’t teach children to be selfish, but to be secure enough in owning things so that they were equipped to share and not feel guilty when they didn’t want to. There are things your children will work for and take care of and cherish as they get older, and they shouldn’t have to feel that if they don’t share everything they are selfish and unkind. They are being wise stewards of what they have.

  • Open your circle and let someone in: how to train your children to be extravagant givers.
            Teach your children to share time with others, kind words, acts of kindness, and their “common area” toys. Show them how happy you are when you give to others, and let them help you make baked goods or meals for those in need. Take them to visit the elderly and the hurting with you. Wrap up boxes of extra toys for the homeless shelter and let them accompany you to give the boxes away.


There will be a lot more ideas of teaching sharing in my upcoming book on raising children! I’ll keep you posted!

Friday, August 5, 2016

Training Children to be Socially Acceptable

As soon as your little cherub turns about 15 months old, they begin to see that their behavior has an impact on their world. They learn that they have an opinion on what they like and don’t, and what the want to do and don’t do.  As they enter into the “terrific twos” they love the impact they can make on their world!

This is an exciting time for you and them. But hidden beneath the surface are a lot of dangers if you do not help your little toddler keep things in the proper perspective.

This is one of the most important times of parenting because if you fail to train your child correctly during this stage, it can open the door for a host of problems in their future and yours:

*When respect for parental authority is not enforced when you hover above them in size and control, it will be much more difficult if not almost impossible to enforce when they are as tall or taller than you.

*When you don’t teach your children discipline at this early age, they may run away from you when you call or argue with you in the wrong place or at the wrong time or not put something down in time and get hurt badly.

*When they go to daycare, preschool or kindergarten or other church programs, they will be expected to sit on the square, raise their hand, and other disciplines that are best started in the home for effective training.

*At school and elsewhere they are not in charge of the schedule and it is best if their world doesn’t crumble when they realize that because they have learned it at home.

*No one will be able to or desire watch your undisciplined child or have them over to their house or to your appointments or shopping.

Here are five simple rules to remember for this stage of the game:

1.         You are in charge.  One of the most important things children need to learn is that they can have a voice and even an opinion but they are not in charge and their voice and opinion aren’t always going to be listened to.  Even in early childcare, children are expected to listen to those in charge. It is important that they learn this skill at home. It is also hugely important as children grow up that they respect their parents’ authority. It will make it easier for them to later respect other authorities without challenging every rule and every decision.

            You can give your young children choices on some things, but little children should not be able to choose everything. The best option is to give them a few choices: do you want to wear this or this? Leaving everything up to your children is not wise because then they are led to believe that they can pick everything.

            When I play with my grandchildren, observers may believe me to be selfish when I insist that I get to pick the game sometimes, or when I refuse to let my grandchildren tell me how to run the ponies I am in charge of. The reason I do this with them, and did it with my children, is that they need to learn that they do not always get to be in charge of everything. They need to learn to play well with others at home! They will not learn consideration for others and to think of others unless they learn it at home.

2.         Watch your words. I know that God will never give me a command that He doesn’t equip me to obey. I know when God gives me a command He expects me to obey. When I worked, I also knew as an employee that the boss gave commands, not options. That is what makes a good employee. As a student, I knew the teacher gave commands, and not options. That made me a good student.

            You are not doing your children any favors by telling them to do something without following through. Worse yet is changing your mind when they throw a temper tantrum. You have then taught them that “no” means “no” only if they don’t freak out, then it may change to a “yes” for them if the freak out is crazy enough. Not a great routine to train them into.

            You need to train your children and not just watch them. They need to learn to do what you expect from them: what is reasonable and realistic for their age, or even a little beyond their age! They are way smarter than you think. If you say, “Sarah will never stay in her high chair!” she understands what you are saying and so will live up to that expectation. Better to say, “Sarah needs to stay in her high chair until she is done eating!” She hears that too, and will realize that it is what is expected of her. Training children will result in your having a much easier time when you go to someone’s house or a restaurant and Sarah needs to stay in the high chair. Some things are not an option.      

            Speak life and speak positively to and about your children. Believe me, they hear what you say about them to others and will live up to that. Also, be sure if you tell them something, follow through. Make sure they have habits of obeying you and not ignoring you.

3.         Raise your expectations. I love the movie The Miracle Worker. It is a tribute to Anne Sullivan, who was Helen Keller’s Teacher. Helen Keller was blind and deaf, and they believed her to be “dumb.” She did whatever she wanted without intervention. She was turning into a barbarian, going around the dinner table eating with her hands off everyone’s plate. Anne Sullivan refused to give in to her and taught her to read, write, and behave civilly. Helen Keller became a well-known speaker and writer and much of her success was because Ann Sullivan trained her rather than watch her do whatever she wanted. She equipped Helen for society.

            Even before children are age two they are trainable. They know when they are whining, begging, pulling on you, etc. When my children were one I trained them that if they were whining and crying it was in their crib. They could come out when happy. They learned the concept! Little children are to be trained. Ironically, if you need ideas often the information on training puppies can be used!

            You need to train children who are able to go to others’ homes without thinking they have the right to open every cupboard and drawer and take things out and throw things around.  At home, put a lot of things your children are allowed to touch and go into, and keep things that are “no” – when children learn boundaries at home, when they go out they are not crossing boundaries others have.

4.         See the bigger picture. You may not mind picking up all the crumbs and fingerprints and drips your child leaves as they travel around your house with their crumbly donuts and juice. But others will, I assure you. Get your child trained so they have snack times at certain times (not just all day), and that they sit down to enjoy their food and drink and not just wander around with them. Healthier attitude towards food; AND, when you visit others, their furnishings, cupboards and windows don’t have to take a beating!

            You may not mind if your children break their toys or crayons or throw things. But at school and playing with others, no one is going to appreciate your lack of training.

5.         Practice, practice, practice! Remember, children take a lot longer to train than baby birds: that is why they are with you 18-20 years and not just a season! Be patient! Enjoy the process!

            If you are having problems with your children coming when called, practice practice practice at home! Call them and make them come: 50 times, 100 times, until they get it. It is for their good! Keep at it! Remember… it takes a LOT of time to TRAIN children!

            If they aren’t sleeping at night, practice practice practice. Consistency is the key. Get tips from mothers that have walked the path before you effectively. Use the ones that work with your child and their personality and your situations; discard the others. Many well meaning moms have tips that won’t be useful to you! You’ll know which is which!

            Sometimes you will see the biggest issues your child is going to deal with. It is great if you can train them to be victorious in those areas. I had a child that couldn’t concentrate because so many things were going on in their head at the same time. I taught them to picture “drawers” and close all the drawers except the one thing they needed to concentrate on.  Work on the things your child deals with!

            If your child asks inappropriately, sasses or yells, turn the timer on starting with how many minutes for how old they are, and then allow them to ask again. Then if they do it again the same day, set the timer for the original minutes +1 and keep doing that until they get it right.


Friday, June 24, 2016

When You Can't "Do It All"



As a mother of five children inside 5-1/2 years, with a husband that was gone pretty much at least Monday - Friday each week working out of state (or country), I knew the feeling that I couldn't "do it all." I homeschooled, each of my children had music lessons and various activities, we had a lot of family events, I volunteered at Gilda's Club (a cancer support community), and was involved in a number of ministries at our Church. To make extra money, I also worked late at night for an attorney, then became a Unit Manager for Creative Memories, a scrapbooking sales company. Here are a few things I learned along the way:

1.  Be reasonable and realistic with your schedule. Remember what Matthew 11.28-30 says when you are "tired from carrying heavy loads" (GW). Walk with Jesus, watch how [He does] it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. [He] won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with [Him] and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. (MSG) Another version says, My yoke is easy and My burden is light. (GW)

      So if HIS yoke is easy and what HE wants you to do is a light burden why all the stress? Because you are trying to accomplish way more than is reasonable and realistic, and way more than He expects of you. Take a look at all you are doing and pare down what is not necessary. A juggler has to let go of some balls to grab others. Look at what you need to drop off your schedule at certain times and say "no" to things (which really is saying "yes" to other things!). Be sure you live out your priorities. I'm so glad I said "no" to enough things to give me lazy summer days of visiting parks and playscapes and visiting grandparents and great-grandparents with my children. Create your schedule to give you the best memories and the least crazies possible.

2.  Embrace the season you are in. Sometimes your priority will be feeding bottle after bottle. It only lasts a season so enjoy it. Other seasons where you are able to play "doctor" and "house" and Hi Ho Cherry O only last for a few short years. Embrace those seasons. Live out the season you are in 100%. You don't want your children's memories to be of you sitting on your phone looking at other's lives on Facebook while you aren't throwing yourself into your own season of life. Learn to be mentally where your body is as much as possible.

3.  Run your own race and don't look at other's lives. Your friend that has sanguine children will never understand why you have to stay at home for a month to train your strong-willed children who are exhibiting temper tantrums every time you go out in public.  Don't expect others to understand the decisions you make. You may be trying to pay your house off to be financially free, and choose not to spend money for a season so need to say "no" to pricey weekend get-aways or events. Make your goals and live them out without looking for a bunch of people to understand. Chances are if you are choosing extraordinary results, they will be extraordinary and many will not be able to understand anyways. 

4.   Be creative in finding help. That doesn't mean that for YOU to get help you LOAD down your husband. When I found I wasn't able to do everything, I enlisted help by having mother's helpers (younger girls in the neighborhood to come and occupy my kids so I could get things done), babysitters (have a list of at LEAST 7 at all times), family and friends. I often took my children with me for errands, which forced me to train them socially and helped them to know things off-limits which in the end was a huge benefit. 

      When getting help, keep in mind that you are the one that is still responsible for the training of your children. When you delegate that responsibility, be sure you are delegating it to the person who will do it the most like you would. That means that sometimes it won't be your husband. If your husband is like mine and is a high-powered executive used to saying something and things happen right away, they may not be the right person to have the patience to put your 1- or 2-year old to bed if you have children that aren't always cooperative. Many times I had a babysitter put my children to bed even when my husband was home just to relieve my husband from undue pressure at the end of his crazy days, to relieve my children of having their frustrated dad to deal with, and to relieve myself of hearing the house falling in on top of me when I was in the basement trying to work.

       On the same note, many people are in an uproar over gender-neutral policies (rightly so), yet in an obscure way we are trying to eliminate gender roles in our homes. Just as when prayer was taken out of the schools and our recourse was to strengthen it in our homes, so now we need to live out stronger gender roles in our homes if our children are going to see the difference between males and females. I would counsel to start with recognizing that men aren't necessarily the best replacement for mothers during meals and bedtimes. If you are going to need help during those times, enlist the help of a female caregiver who would be more like you would be in the patience area (unless you have an unusual husband who has a gift for patience and long-suffering). 

5.  Remember that "guilt" is a function of your emotions; "conviction" is a function of your spirit. Know the difference: embrace conviction and repel "guilt." Many times I was convicted to see a need for change in my life and made the changes necessary for the betterment of my family. Just as many times if not more I had to not accept the feeling of "guilt" when I couldn't do all I expected to do. Sometimes guilt comes from the fact you are away from your children for longer than you want. If you are leaving your children with delegated help that is doing closely with what you would do, and if you are not putting undue pressure on your spouse and taking away your home being his "safe place," do not accept the feeling of guilt. Guilt is a horrible feeling that has to be balanced with blame.  If you find yourself blaming, look at if you have accepted feelings of guilt. If you need to work outside your home, and then want to go to dinner with your spouse or a friend, that event doesn't determine if you are a "good" mother. "Guilt" will direct you to wrong choices, usually not resulting in change but in over-compensating. When you are doing things to strengthen your marriage or to help others, or to work to help your family, do not allow "guilty" feelings about not being with your children to incite you to over-compensate or make wrong choices in other areas.

      If you are going to be convicted about something that is good to change for the betterment of you and your family, start with looking at the time you are spending in the Word of God both alone and with your children. Being convicted about this is better placed than feeling guilty that you didn't get to put your children to bed because you were at (another) wedding.

      I needed a chance to get out and look around and get my workout in. Many times when finances were really tight, I made a way for a babysitter to come over before school, after school, or whenever it could work out for me to go running. I often thought of the air masks that they tell you will fall in the airplanes if there is a problem: the parent is to put the air mask on first so they will be able to think clearly to help their children. Maybe you have some things that are an "air mask" to you that you need in order to function better. Make room for it. 

6.   When faced with choices, do the things that will matter the most in the end. Many choices are made for us and we don't have too much control over (work schedules, baby feedings, unexpected illness in the family, etc.) When you do have a choice, exercise it wisely and make your choices for the things that will matter most in the end. Time management skills are critical with the unending demands placed on us. Juggle wisely! What ever you need to do, don't use it as an excuse to put other things out of whack. For example, if you need to work outside your home, don't use it as an excuse to hurt your marriage or to take away your husband's ability to have a time to recoup from his day. If you are a stay-at-home mom, don't use it as an excuse to hurt your marriage or to place demands on your husband when he gets home because you have been home all day.

7.    Enjoy your life. Today is a gift; that is why we call it the present. Get things in line so you can enjoy the life God has given you and maximize your impact and opportunities where He has placed you! 

When You Can't "Do It All"



As a mother of five children inside 5-1/2 years, with a husband that was gone pretty much at least Monday - Friday each week working out of state (or country), I knew the feeling that I couldn't "do it all." I homeschooled, each of my children had music lessons and various activities, we had a lot of family events, I volunteered at Gilda's Club (a cancer support community), and was involved in a number of ministries at our Church. To make extra money, I also worked late at night for an attorney, then became a Unit Manager for Creative Memories, a scrapbooking sales company. Here are a few things I learned along the way:

1.  Be reasonable and realistic with your schedule. Remember what Matthew 11.28-30 says when you are "tired from carrying heavy loads" (GW). Walk with Jesus, watch how [He does] it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. [He] won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with [Him] and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. (MSG) Another version says, My yoke is easy and My burden is light. (GW)

      So if HIS yoke is easy and what HE wants you to do is a light burden why all the stress? Because you are trying to accomplish way more than is reasonable and realistic, and way more than He expects of you. Take a look at all you are doing and pare down what is not necessary. A juggler has to let go of some balls to grab others. Look at what you need to drop off your schedule at certain times and say "no" to things (which really is saying "yes" to other things!). Be sure you live out your priorities. I'm so glad I said "no" to enough things to give me lazy summer days of visiting parks and playscapes and visiting grandparents and great-grandparents with my children. Create your schedule to give you the best memories and the least crazies possible.

2.  Embrace the season you are in. Sometimes your priority will be feeding bottle after bottle. It only lasts a season so enjoy it. Other seasons where you are able to play "doctor" and "house" and Hi Ho Cherry O only last for a few short years. Embrace those seasons. Live out the season you are in 100%. You don't want your children's memories to be of you sitting on your phone looking at other's lives on Facebook while you aren't throwing yourself into your own season of life. Learn to be mentally where your body is as much as possible.

3.  Run your own race and don't look at other's lives. Your friend that has sanguine children will never understand why you have to stay at home for a month to train your strong-willed children who are exhibiting temper tantrums every time you go out in public.  Don't expect others to understand the decisions you make. You may be trying to pay your house off to be financially free, and choose not to spend money for a season so need to say "no" to pricey weekend get-aways or events. Make your goals and live them out without looking for a bunch of people to understand. Chances are if you are choosing extraordinary results, they will be extraordinary and many will not be able to understand anyways. 

4.   Be creative in finding help. That doesn't mean that for YOU to get help you LOAD down your husband. When I found I wasn't able to do everything, I enlisted help by having mother's helpers (younger girls in the neighborhood to come and occupy my kids so I could get things done), babysitters (have a list of at LEAST 7 at all times), family and friends. I often took my children with me for errands, which forced me to train them socially and helped them to know things off-limits which in the end was a huge benefit. 

      When getting help, keep in mind that you are the one that is still responsible for the training of your children. When you delegate that responsibility, be sure you are delegating it to the person who will do it the most like you would. That means that sometimes it won't be your husband. If your husband is like mine and is a high-powered executive used to saying something and things happen right away, they may not be the right person to have the patience to put your 1- or 2-year old to bed if you have children that aren't always cooperative. Many times I had a babysitter put my children to bed even when my husband was home just to relieve my husband from undue pressure at the end of his crazy days, to relieve my children of having their frustrated dad to deal with, and to relieve myself of hearing the house falling in on top of me when I was in the basement trying to work.

       On the same note, many people are in an uproar over gender-neutral policies (rightly so), yet in an obscure way we are trying to eliminate gender roles in our homes. Just as when prayer was taken out of the schools and our recourse was to strengthen it in our homes, so now we need to live out stronger gender roles in our homes if our children are going to see the difference between males and females. I would counsel to start with recognizing that men aren't necessarily the best replacement for mothers during meals and bedtimes. If you are going to need help during those times, enlist the help of a female caregiver who would be more like you would be in the patience area (unless you have an unusual husband who has a gift for patience and long-suffering). 

5.  Remember that "guilt" is a function of your emotions; "conviction" is a function of your spirit. Know the difference: embrace conviction and repel "guilt." Many times I was convicted to see a need for change in my life and made the changes necessary for the betterment of my family. Just as many times if not more I had to not accept the feeling of "guilt" when I couldn't do all I expected to do. Sometimes guilt comes from the fact you are away from your children for longer than you want. If you are leaving your children with delegated help that is doing closely with what you would do, and if you are not putting undue pressure on your spouse and taking away your home being his "safe place," do not accept the feeling of guilt. Guilt is a horrible feeling that has to be balanced with blame.  If you find yourself blaming, look at if you have accepted feelings of guilt. If you need to work outside your home, and then want to go to dinner with your spouse or a friend, that event doesn't determine if you are a "good" mother. "Guilt" will direct you to wrong choices, usually not resulting in change but in over-compensating. When you are doing things to strengthen your marriage or to help others, or to work to help your family, do not allow "guilty" feelings about not being with your children to incite you to over-compensate or make wrong choices in other areas.

      If you are going to be convicted about something that is good to change for the betterment of you and your family, start with looking at the time you are spending in the Word of God both alone and with your children. Being convicted about this is better placed than feeling guilty that you didn't get to put your children to bed because you were at (another) wedding.

6.   When faced with choices, do the things that will matter the most in the end. Many choices are made for us and we don't have too much control over (work schedules, baby feedings, unexpected illness in the family, etc.) When you do have a choice, exercise it wisely and make your choices for the things that will matter most in the end. Time management skills are critical with the unending demands placed on us. Juggle wisely! What ever you need to do, don't use it as an excuse to put other things out of whack. For example, if you need to work outside your home, don't use it as an excuse to hurt your marriage or to take away your husband's ability to have a time to recoup from his day. If you are a stay-at-home mom, don't use it as an excuse to hurt your marriage or to place demands on your husband when he gets home because you have been home all day.

7.    Enjoy your life. Today is a gift; that is why we call it the present. Get things in line so you can enjoy the life God has given you and maximize your impact and opportunities where He has placed you! 

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Part 2 – Roles of Father, Mother and Children in God’s Awesome Plan for Our Families

We looked at:

Day 1 – God’s Plan for Our Homes and Families and How that Plan is Accomplished

Today we will look at:

Day 2 – Roles of Father, Mother, and Children in that Plan

Don’t miss next post when we will look at the reason that God’s plan for families isn’t being realized and lived out:

Day 3 – The Destruction of Our Family and the Abomination that Works Desolation in our Homes and Families

and then what to do about it all:

Day 4 – How to Break Free from the Enemy’s Grips to Get back to God’s Plan for our Homes and Families


Take the time to read through the BOLD OUTLINE and WORDS at least so you know what is destroying our families from the inside out.  This is a culmination of a 10+ year Bible study on this and I know you will love it!

Part 2 – Roles of Father, Mother and
Children in God’s Awesome Plan for Our Families

I.          Fathers

            A.         Are to train, correct and discipline (reproves, warns, instructs) their children.          

“And have you [completely] forgotten the divine word of appeal and encouragement in which you are reasoned with and addressed as sons? My son, do not think lightly or scorn to submit to the correction and discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage and give up and faint when you are reproved or corrected by Him; For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves, and He punishes, even scourges, every son whom He accepts and welcomes to His heart and cherishes. You must submit to and endure [correction] for discipline; God is dealing with you as with sons. For what son is there whom his father does not [thus] train and correct and discipline? Now if you are exempt from correction and left without discipline in which all [of God’s children] share, then you are illegitimate offspring and not true sons [at all].  Moreover, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we yielded [to them] and respected [them for training us]. Shall we not much more cheerfully submit to the Father of spirits and so [truly] live? For [our earthly fathers] disciplined us for only a short period of time and chastised us as seemed proper and good to them; but He disciplines us for our certain good, that we may become sharers in His own holiness. For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness—in conformity to God’s will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God].  (Hebrews 12:5–11 AMP)

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline (reproof warning correction instructs) him”. (Proverbs 13:24 NIV)

“Whoever refuses to spank his son hates him, but whoever loves his son disciplines (reproof warning correction instructs) him from early on”. (Proverbs 13:24 GW)

1Th. 2:11 For you know how, as a father [dealing with] his children, we used to exhort each of you personally, stimulating and encouraging and charging you.

            B.         Has compassion (loves; has mercy) for his children

Psa. 103:13   As a father has compassion for his children, so the LORD has compassion for those who fear him.

Col. 3:21 Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]

            C.         Joys in his children; raises wise children

Prov. 23:24 The father of the [uncompromisingly] righteous (the upright, in right standing with God) shall greatly rejoice, and he who becomes the father of a wise child shall have joy in him.

            D.         Manages the household well, and knows how to keep his children under control with dignity that commands respect

1Tim. 3:12 Let deacons be the husbands of but one wife, and let them manage [their] children and their own households well.

1Tim. 3:4 He must rule his own household well, keeping his children under control, with true dignity, commanding their respect in every way and keeping them respectful.  For if a man does not know how to rule his own household, how is he to take care of the church of God?

            E.         Prioritizes his family and knows the irreplaceable role they play in their everyday lives.

9 Important Ways Dads Impact The Lives Of Their Children
Despite all of society’s advances over the past century, men are still -- too often -- viewed by some as their own children’s “babysitters”; when in actuality, research supports the irreplaceable role they play in their everyday lives.
We partnered with Johnson & Johnson to share findings from the report on global fatherhood, as well as from several other studies that examine the powerful and enduring influence fathers can have on their children.
1.  Their kids play well with others
2.  Their partners and babies are healthier
3.  Their children are more prepared for school…
4.  And go on to be more successful academically
5. Their children start speaking earlier and are more verbally expressive
6.  Their children grow up less prone to depression
7. Their sons are less likely to be in trouble
8. Their daughters are more ambitious in their careers
9. …and have a more positive self-image
Fathers play an important -- and sometimes overlooked -- role in the development of their children. From their role in prenatal care, to how they play, communicate and act as role-models for their kids, loving, engaged dads have been shown to have a tremendous impact on how a child grows up. They are truly irreplaceable. Johnson & Johnson celebrates dads and all parents for the incredible role they play in in making the world a better, more caring place for their children.
(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/29/why-dads-matter-state-of-fatherhood-report_n_7785938.html)

II.         Mothers

            A.        Train Their Children

Prov. 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left undisciplined (without reproof warning correction instruction) brings his mother to shame.

            B.         Comfort Their Children

Is. 66:13 As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

Correction and discipline (reproof warning correction instruction ) are good for children. If they have their own way, they will make their mothers ashamed of them”. (Proverbs 29:15 GNB)

            C.         Comes Alongside Their Children

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame”. (Proverbs 29:15 KJV)

III.       Parents

            A.        Discipline and Train Their Children without Over-Indulging Them

Prov. 13:24 (MSG)               A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining (reproving warning correcting instructing) them.

Prov. 19:18 (MSG)               Discipline (reprove warn correct and instruct) your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them.

“All children are foolish, but firm correction will make them change”. (Proverbs 22:15 CEV)

Discipline (reprove warn correct and instruct) your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don't, you are helping them destroy themselves”. (Proverbs 19:18 GNB)

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying”. (Proverbs 19:18 KJV)

Correct your children before it's too late; if you don't punish them, you are destroying them”. (Proverbs 19:18 CEV)

IV.        Children

            A.         Must be trained to honor and regard and respect their parents

Regard (treat with honor, due obedience, and courtesy) your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land the Lord your God gives you.”
(Exodus 20:12 AMP)

            B.         Must be trained to obey their parents

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.
 (Ephesians 6:1–3 MESSAGE)

CHILDREN, OBEY your parents in the Lord [as His representatives], for this is just and right. Honor (esteem and value as precious) your father and your mother—this is the first commandment with a promise—That all may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.
(Ephesians 6:1–3 AMP)