As
soon as your little cherub turns about 15 months old, they begin to see that
their behavior has an impact on their world. They learn that they have an
opinion on what they like and don’t, and what the want to do and don’t do. As they enter into the “terrific twos” they
love the impact they can make on their world!
This
is an exciting time for you and them. But hidden beneath the surface are a lot
of dangers if you do not help your little toddler keep things in the proper
perspective.
This
is one of the most important times of parenting because if you fail to train
your child correctly during this stage, it can open the door for a host of
problems in their future and yours:
*When
respect for parental authority is not enforced when you hover above them in
size and control, it will be much more difficult if not almost impossible to
enforce when they are as tall or taller than you.
*When
you don’t teach your children discipline at this early age, they may run away
from you when you call or argue with you in the wrong place or at the wrong
time or not put something down in time and get hurt badly.
*When
they go to daycare, preschool or kindergarten or other church programs, they
will be expected to sit on the square, raise their hand, and other disciplines
that are best started in the home for effective training.
*At
school and elsewhere they are not in charge of the schedule and it is best if
their world doesn’t crumble when they realize that because they have learned it
at home.
*No
one will be able to or desire watch your undisciplined child or have them over
to their house or to your appointments or shopping.
Here
are five simple rules to remember for this stage of the game:
1. You are in charge. One of the most important things children
need to learn is that they can have a voice and even an opinion but they are
not in charge and their voice and opinion aren’t always going to be listened
to. Even in early childcare, children
are expected to listen to those in charge. It is important that they learn this
skill at home. It is also hugely important as children grow up that they
respect their parents’ authority. It will make it easier for them to later
respect other authorities without challenging every rule and every decision.
You can give your young children
choices on some things, but little children should not be able to choose
everything. The best option is to give them a few choices: do you want to wear this or this? Leaving everything up to your children is not wise because
then they are led to believe that they can pick everything.
When I play with my grandchildren,
observers may believe me to be selfish when I insist that I get to pick the
game sometimes, or when I refuse to let my grandchildren tell me how to run the
ponies I am in charge of. The reason I do this with them, and did it with my
children, is that they need to learn that they do not always get to be in
charge of everything. They need to learn to play well with others at home! They
will not learn consideration for others and to think of others unless they
learn it at home.
2. Watch your words. I know that
God will never give me a command that He doesn’t equip me to obey. I know when
God gives me a command He expects me to obey. When I worked, I also knew as an
employee that the boss gave commands,
not options. That is what makes a
good employee. As a student, I knew the teacher gave commands, and not options. That
made me a good student.
You are not doing your children any
favors by telling them to do something without following through. Worse yet is
changing your mind when they throw a temper tantrum. You have then taught them
that “no” means “no” only if they don’t freak
out, then it may change to a “yes” for them if the freak out is crazy
enough. Not a great routine to train them into.
You need to train your children and not just watch them. They need to learn to do what you expect from them: what is reasonable and realistic for their age,
or even a little beyond their age! They are way smarter than you think.
If you say, “Sarah will never stay in her high chair!” she understands what you are saying and so will live up to that
expectation. Better to say, “Sarah needs to stay in her high chair until
she is done eating!” She hears that too, and will realize that it is what is
expected of her. Training children will result in your having a much easier
time when you go to someone’s house or a restaurant and Sarah needs to stay in
the high chair. Some things are not an option.
Speak life and speak positively to
and about your children. Believe me, they hear what you say about them to
others and will live up to that. Also, be sure if you tell them something,
follow through. Make sure they have habits of obeying you and not ignoring
you.
3. Raise your expectations. I love
the movie The Miracle Worker. It is a tribute to Anne Sullivan, who was
Helen Keller’s Teacher. Helen Keller was blind and deaf, and they believed her
to be “dumb.” She did whatever she wanted without intervention. She was turning
into a barbarian, going around the dinner table eating with her hands off
everyone’s plate. Anne Sullivan refused to give in to her and taught her to
read, write, and behave civilly. Helen Keller became a well-known speaker and
writer and much of her success was because Ann Sullivan trained her rather than watch her do whatever she wanted.
She equipped Helen for society.
Even before children are age two
they are trainable. They know when they are whining, begging, pulling on you,
etc. When my children were one I trained them that if they were whining and
crying it was in their crib. They could come out when happy. They learned the
concept! Little children are to be trained.
Ironically, if you need ideas often the information on training puppies can be used!
You need to train children who are
able to go to others’ homes without thinking they have the right to open every
cupboard and drawer and take things out and throw things around. At home, put a lot of things your children are
allowed to touch and go into, and keep things that are “no” – when children learn
boundaries at home, when they go out they are not crossing boundaries others
have.
4. See the bigger picture. You may
not mind picking up all the crumbs and fingerprints and drips your child leaves
as they travel around your house with their crumbly donuts and juice. But
others will, I assure you. Get your child trained so they have snack times at
certain times (not just all day), and that they sit down to enjoy their food
and drink and not just wander around with them. Healthier attitude towards food;
AND, when you visit others, their
furnishings, cupboards and windows don’t have to take a beating!
You may not mind if your children
break their toys or crayons or throw things. But at school and playing with
others, no one is going to appreciate your lack of training.
5. Practice, practice, practice! Remember,
children take a lot longer to train than baby birds: that is why they are with
you 18-20 years and not just a season! Be patient! Enjoy the process!
If you are having problems with your
children coming when called, practice practice practice at home! Call them and
make them come: 50 times, 100 times, until they get it. It is for their good! Keep at it! Remember… it takes a LOT
of time to TRAIN children!
If they aren’t sleeping at night,
practice practice practice. Consistency is the key. Get tips from mothers that
have walked the path before you effectively.
Use the ones that work with your child and their personality and your
situations; discard the others. Many well meaning moms have tips that
won’t be useful to you! You’ll know which is which!
Sometimes you will see the biggest
issues your child is going to deal with. It is great if you can train them to
be victorious in those areas. I had a child that couldn’t concentrate because
so many things were going on in their head at the same time. I taught them to
picture “drawers” and close all the drawers except the one thing they needed to
concentrate on. Work on the things your
child deals with!
If your child asks inappropriately,
sasses or yells, turn the timer on starting with how many minutes for how old
they are, and then allow them to ask again. Then if they do it again the same
day, set the timer for the original minutes +1 and keep doing that until they
get it right.
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